


i feel your whisper (across the sea)

by marleymars



Series: Attachment Theory [9]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Mentions of Stalking, Stalking, armin is gonna have hella anxiety in this story from here on out so fair warning, but instead it's feelings with a little bit of porn, i can't even feel shame anymore, i'm bad at math it's probably more than 20 percent, now with 20 percent more phone sex, this was supposed to be porn with a little bit of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:36:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1410145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marleymars/pseuds/marleymars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Irwin is surprised when Armin volunteers to stay behind while he goes on a business trip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a porn one-shot gdi. Fuck both of these assholes I hate them. *sigh* Conceivably this chapter could stand on it's own without me adding more to it, but I'm gonna do it anyway. At least that way the title will make sense. (The title is a line from the song [Lucky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acvIVA9-FMQ&feature=kp) by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.)

“Germany,” Armin repeated, arms folded across his chest, the little wrinkle between his eyebrows making an appearance as he mulled over what he’d just been told. “For how long?” he asked after a short pause.

“A few days at the most,” Irwin assured him. He’d been on business trips before, but not since meeting Armin. Unfortunately, his recent legal troubles had given rise to other…concerns. Several of his corporate partners had taken issue with the entire debacle, and were either threatening cutting ties with him, or at the very least considering it. A few already had, and there were only so many desertions a corporation could take before it began to fall from grace.

“And you have to go,” he said. There was no question, but the little frown he wore deepened ever-so-slightly. They were in the kitchen, having just finished eating a late and hasty dinner. Armin had cooked the only thing he could manage without burning it to a crisp—breakfast—in an effort to make sure Irwin didn’t stagger straight to bed without eating. He’d done it before, but tonight he’d had something significant to talk to Armin about. Now the younger man had just finished dumping all the dishes into the sink, all while listening to Irwin’s news with a contemplative little scowl.

“I do,” Irwin agreed, “This is an important partnership for Titan Enterprises, and if I send someone in my place it could be seen as an insult.” He sighed, and dragged a hand down the side of his face—he’d been working practically round the clock for several weeks straight, putting out fires and trying to keep his company from falling completely apart. “If we lose this deal it’ll be a major blow, but we’ve always had a good relationship with them, so hopefully I can salvage whatever is left.”

He felt a hand squeezing his bicep, and looked down to see Armin was regarding him with a rueful look on his face. “This is my fault,” he said, meeting the older man’s gaze with penitent eyes.

Irwin recoiled, taken aback by this claim, by stricken look on his face. “No,” he said, “Armin, how could you think that?”

“None of this wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for me,” he clarified with a little half shrug, as if it were the obvious answer.

The older man grabbed for his hand, clasping it, “I don’t want you to think that, Armin,” he said, adamant. “Don’t ever blame yourself for any of this.”

“But if you’d never met me—

“Armin, stop,” he said, grasping the younger man’s shoulders, “Before I met you I was miserable, and I didn’t even know it. All I ever did was work, and any relationships I had were meaningless and toxic.” Armin didn’t look quite convinced, giving Irwin a dubious look that said he was already formulating an argument. “This is that honesty you were asking for, Armin,” he said, cutting off whatever dispute was brewing behind that incisive gaze, “This would have happened with or without you. Whoever planned this, whoever was behind it, they would have gone through with it regardless of whether we’d ever met.”

Armin’s mouth quirked up sideways, a thoughtful compression of his lips, and Irwin let go of his shoulders, reached up to cup his chin as he bent down to smooth away that unconvinced expression. The younger man kissed him back in a distracted manner, never closing his eyes, and Irwin pulled back just enough so that their eyes met again. “If I’d never met you I’d be much worse off than I am right now, and I wouldn’t have you around to worry about me.”

The frown fell away, and Armin regarded him with a less doubtful expression as he straightened and took a step back. “Alright,” he said. “I was overthinking it, I guess. I just…You haven’t figured out who was behind it yet, and I don’t want you to burn yourself out. I know I’m the one who said we can’t just run off and pretend none of this is happening, but you’re at work _all the time_. And now you’re going to Berlin, and I know you aren’t going to sleep the whole time you’re there. You barely sleep here, unless I make you, and if I go with you I won’t have anything to do all day while you’re working, and you won’t have time to sightsee, or be distracted by me, so I’d be even more cooped up there than I already am. And—,”

“Armin, slow down,” Irwin said. Ever since they’d agreed to be more honest, the younger man would occasionally burst into these rambling tangents rather than internalize whatever it was he was thinking about. Usually it was charming, and Irwin suspected that this was just how Armin’s brain worked—at breakneck speed, and likely much faster than he could speak—but he didn’t like watching his lover fret himself into an anxious mess.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just, calm down.”

“You don’t understand how much I can’t do that,” Armin sighed, looking frustrated. “I can’t go five feet out the door without somebody pointing and whispering about me. I can’t even take Romy for a walk outside the parking garage. I can’t calm down when someone I care about is suffering. And now you’re leaving me here.”

“I never said I was leaving you here—,”

“But what’s the point of me coming along? Are we going to go on a double-decker bus tour, and stop off at a biergarten? You won’t have time for that. You’ll be in meetings all day there, and when you’re finished you’ll have to come back here and be stuck in even more meetings. If I go I’ll just be in the way.” There was no resentment, no accusation in his tone, just bald, pained distress.

“You’re right,” Irwin told him, “I know, I’ve been working too much, and I’m sorry. I promise, when things settle down a little more we’ll go away together. Anywhere you want. Just please, don’t worry about me so much. It’ll just be a few days, then I’ll be back.”

“When you come back will you promise you won’t work fourteen hours a day?”

Irwin winced, because there _was_ a touch of accusation in that, an accusation that he was overworked and that it was his own fault. He and Levi had been working their way through the board of directors, interrogating and intimidating, strongly suggesting that they step down or retire. Once they were done there, they would start on the rest, all the heads of departments. They were developing a list, both of suspects, and people loyal to the board. When they were finished, everyone of import would be replaced with their own people. Levi was gunning for Dawk in particular, insisting that he must have had something to do with it all, either indirectly or implicitly. Irwin was beginning to doubt that Nile Dawk had the intellect to pull off something so underhanded, as Levi had been insisting all along—his entire department was in shambles. It was a wonder they hadn’t gone bankrupt yet. It was only through the competence of his underlings that anything in accounting had ever gotten done. Yes, Dawk was going to be fired eventually—in fact, Hanji was already looking for a way to dispose of him that wouldn’t lead to more legal trouble.

That was the problem with trying to get rid of high-level salaried workers. They had contracts, and couldn’t simply be told to clean out their desks and leave. That was why this was taking so long. _We should have started on it a long time ago, when Levi suggested it_. Then it had been right after Irwin assumed control of the company; right after his father had died, but by then the board was so deeply entrenched he hadn’t been sure of how he could remove them. He had assumed that they were there to do as he said, but obviously that had been a mistake. One of them was the mastermind behind all of this, and even if he never found out exactly who it was, he was going to make sure they never got another chance to regroup.

“I can promise to try,” he said. “You know what I’m doing, Armin. You said it yourself; I can’t ease off, or give them a chance to worm their way out of the mess they made.”

Armin stared at him, expression unreadable for a moment, but then he nodded slowly. “I know,” he said. “I just wish I could do something to help.”

“You do help me. If it weren’t for you I’d never sleep at all. Or eat. Or have anyone intelligent to talk to aside from Levi and Hanji. I’d have burned out a long time ago if I’d never met you.”

There was another quirk, a small smile that he seemed to be trying to hold back. He splayed his hand against Irwin’s chest, then gave his loosened tie a tug. “I want to go to the ocean,” he said.

“The ocean?” Irwin said, confused for a moment.

“You said we’d go wherever I want. I want to go to the ocean.”

“The ocean. Well, that’s awfully specific of you. Is there any particular part of the ocean you’d like to go to?”

“Maybe the Caribbean. Somewhere the water is warm and clear, so you can see all the sea life.” His frown returned, not as severe, “I’ve never been to the ocean. My friends and I always planned to go after high school, but we couldn’t get enough money for the trip. We didn’t even have a specific destination, it was always just ‘the ocean.’ Somewhere with a private beach.”

“If that’s where you want to go, then that’s where we’ll go,” Irwin said. The younger man finally smiled, one of his small, pleased grins. Irwin hadn’t seen enough of those lately. Armin’s expressions were neutral more often than not—he never smiled unless he had a reason, and Irwin did his best to give him a reason—but recently he’d been carrying around a somber face that Irwin wasn’t sure how to remedy. Oh, he knew the cause, and he’d done his fair share of worrying that _he_ was the one making Armin’s life worse. But he knew that the real blame lay at the feet of the person or persons who’d tried to frame him. Feeling guilty wasn’t going to help him find the culprit, but with Armin holed up in the penthouse all day, the younger man had nothing to do but think of reasons why this was all his fault.

As much as Irwin tried, he couldn’t protect him from everything, couldn’t stop him from watching the news, or going on the internet, though he seemed to have less interest in doing either of those things nowadays. His friends came to visit, and he could sneak out to the parking garage, or go for walks when it was dark, but the whole situation wasn’t healthy for him.

“I’ll miss you,” Armin said, breaking him out of his train of thought. He gave the tie another little tug, then leaned up and kissed the older man, pressing his lips to the telltale roughness of a day’s stubble. “What time are you leaving?”

“First thing in the morning,” Irwin said. It was late already—nearly midnight—but he knew by the look now gracing his lover’s face that they weren’t going to getting any sleep for a while yet.

“We’d better get to bed, then,” Armin said, giving the tie an insistent little pull, before slipping his hand down and intertwining their fingers.

A few minutes later Irwin pushed him into the mattress, slipped him out of his clothes and licked him open, made him shudder and cry against the sheets. Armin surrendered completely, and he felt like the younger man was trying to give him something, to make sure Irwin would remember what he was leaving behind, to comfort him somehow, when Armin was the one who needed comforting. Or, perhaps they both needed it, they both needed _something_ , but there was barely any time for them to find it.

The younger man sobbed, pushing back against Irwin’s stretching fingers, biting back a scream when they gently probed against his prostate. Inside he was hot, the muscles fluttering and twitching, tight around Irwin’s digits. His cock throbbed longingly, fervent, and he felt like he would never have enough of Armin, never have enough of _this_. Armin was just as ardent, taking the pulsing organ into his mouth when Irwin asked him to, the searing heat of his tongue and mouth making the older man hiss. He thrust that tongue against the slit, dragged it under the ridge of the head, suctioned his mouth to the side and kissed down to the base.

“I love you,” he whispered, dragging his mouth along Irwin’s hip, fingers playing on the trail of hair leading downward from his navel.

Irwin hummed, and raked a hand into that worrisome blond head, guiding him back carefully so he could bend and kiss him. “How much do you love me?” he asked.

Armin made a face at him, then shifted onto his stomach and cast an expectant look at the older man over his shoulder. “I love you enough to let you pin me down and fuck me senseless.” Irwin smirked, and leaned over, covering the blond’s body and pressing a kiss to the back of his head.

“I love you, too,” he whispered. Then, “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” He hated the idea of leaving Armin behind. Leaving him here on his own, with nothing but his own thoughts and a dopey dog to keep him company.

He hesitated, resting his chin on the rumpled coverlet before turning his head to regard Irwin sideways. “No. But I know I’m right.” Irwin kissed the corner of his mouth, and he added, “Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll just invite all my friends over while you’re gone and we’ll throw a huge rager.”

“Good,” Irwin said, kissing him again, “Do it. I’ll leave you my credit card, so you can order strippers and overpriced takeout.” Armin actually laughed, a rare sound these days, and Irwin got up on his knees, pulling Armin’s hips up with him. The laugh turned into a delighted yelp as Irwin pushed into him, and the younger man pushed back, taking him deep.

They made love frantically, or rather Irwin did, and Armin encouraged him with cries that echoed off the walls, and hips that ground into him with each thrust. He sobbed a yes when the older man pinned his hands to the bed with one hand, and gripped his hip with the other. Irwin growled, leaned down, crushing the younger man into the mattress as he pressed lips to his ear. “You’re behaving very meekly,” he groaned as Armin whimpered beneath the weight of Irwin’s hips grinding into him. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“M-maybe it’s not for you,” Armin countered shakily, and before Irwin could respond he was bucking upward, sending a shock of dizzying pleasure through the older man as he tightened mercilessly around his aching cock. “Shut up and fuck me.” He didn’t know what Armin was playing at, but he lost all ability to speak or argue after that, and fucked the younger man just the way he’d wanted. Even when he seemed to be in control, Irwin knew he wasn’t, and probably never would be again. The realization never really surprised or troubled him as much as it might have if it were anybody else but Armin.

“I didn’t hurt you,” he asked afterward, framing the question as a statement as Armin lay panting blissfully beside him. He always worried that he would someday, but the younger man was either just that resilient, or had a very high threshold for pain.

“Not in any way that I didn’t enjoy,” Armin replied after catching his breath. When he saw the way Irwin’s gaze was sweeping over him, he rolled his eyes and pushed up on shaky limbs. “Seriously, Irwin, if you were hurting me I’d tell you to stop. Don’t be such a baby.” Irwin could only shake his head as the younger man flexed and massaged the wrist that continued to bother him, then suggested that they shower before going to sleep.

“You’re gonna get a UTI if you keep on putting off cleaning yourself after sticking your dick in my ass.” There wasn’t really much he could say to that, unless he wanted to subject himself to another science lesson, of which Armin seemed to have quite a few stowed away in the back of his head. Truthfully, Irwin didn’t really mind listening—Armin could be very passionate when he was talking about certain subjects, and it was both fascinating and endearing—but he didn’t want to get the younger man all wound up again.

When they were clean, Armin slipped on a tatty shirt and a pair of boxers and let a crying Romulus into the room. “He gets so jealous when we’re in here without him. Romy, you don’t want to be a part of that, I promise you puppy.” The dog just regarded him sadly, before shooting Irwin a reproachful expression, and then he slunk off to sleep on the dog bed he rarely used.

“He gets jealous because you’ve spoiled him to the point where he believes you’re the end-all be-all of his world, and he thinks I’m some interloper encroaching on his territory,” Irwin said as Armin crawled across the bed and hovered over where he lay.

“I’m just loveable, is all,” the younger man said with a shrug, kissing Irwin on the cheek before flopping down gracelessly against him. “Dogs like me because I know how they think, and I treat them like another dog would.”

Irwin sighed and let his eyes drift shut without further argument, feeling Armin’s fingers begin to play across his chest. After a few minutes of this, he caught the restless hand in his and brought it to his mouth. “What are you worrying about now?” he asked without opening his eyes.

“The frequency and probability of plane crashes,” the younger man admitted, actually sounding a bit sheepish.

The older man loosed another sigh, and rolled onto his side to face Armin. “You know, even a plane crash couldn’t keep me from coming back to you.”

For a moment the room was completely silent. Then, sounding as though he was trying very hard not to laugh, Armin said, “Wow. That’s the corniest thing anybody has ever said to me.” And then he couldn’t keep from breaking down into a fit of giggles as Irwin pinned him down and pinched him in retaliation, only to be body-slammed a moment later by a gallant Romulus, coming to his precious Armin’s rescue.

“I’m not getting any sleep tonight, am I?” the other man grumbled a few minutes later, listening to Armin’s poorly suppressed laughter from where he now lay on the other side of Romulus. The dog had wedged himself between them like a protective barrier, much to Armin’s evident amusement.

“You will if you stop complaining,” Armin told him. A few minutes passed in blissful silence, and then Irwin felt a searching hand on his shoulder, and he reached up and took hold if it, feeling Armin’s fingers curling instantly around his. “Thanks for not thinking I’m a crazy person,” he heard the younger man whispering from somewhere on the other side of the dog, his arm stretching across Romulus’ back. “A lot of people tell me I’m being over-dramatic when I worry,” he said into the silence, “but I really just can’t stop and relax because somebody tells me to. I just wind up holding it in, and feeling worse for bothering them.”

“I did tell you to calm down, though,” Irwin reminded him. He’d done it to try to get out ahead of Armin’s train of thought, to stop him before he became completely flustered and upset. It was never really his goal to force him to stop worrying—he’d just wanted to soothe Armin’s anxieties as best he could.

“Yeah, but you still listened to me. And you weren’t annoyed or condescending about it.”

“You could never annoy me to the point where I tried to shut you down, Armin,” he said, tightening his grip reassuringly. “And you could never bother me by telling me how you feel.” He heard Armin muttering something, but couldn’t make it out through the solid barricade of Romulus. “What was that?”

“I was telling Romy he’s a jerk, because I want to kiss you right now, but I’m too lazy to move.”

“You can kiss me in the morning,” Irwin assured him with another deft squeeze of his fingers before adding, “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Sweet dreams. Not _you_ , Romulus, you’re an asshole.” Irwin could feel the answering wag of the mastiff’s tail, as if he knew perfectly well what he was doing and didn’t care. And people said that dogs were stupid.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m too lazy and cheap to buy a thing to hold my iPod when I’m driving, so I just drape the cord over the rearview mirror and let it dangle there. Armin uses the same setup. (Do not drive like Armin does in this. He is a terrible driver.)
> 
> Also, idk how to cut content, so this is really long for no reason. There were only supposed to be two chapters in this part, but here I am going overboard again. I just keep writing uncontrollably until it feels like it’s done. And I like all of it so it’s staying in there even if it’s not necessary. 
> 
> (Warning for really terrible phone sex at the end—I couldn’t do a long-distance fic without phone sex, I’m weak, I belong in the recycle bin, send me back and deliver a new one.)
> 
> Anyway, in honor of everyone freaking out about chapter 57 of the mango, here’s this gross piece of fluff. Enjoy.

When Irwin woke the next morning Armin was already up—an oddity in and of itself, as the younger man did value his extensive sleeping schedule. It was also slightly jarring to wake up without the soft buzz of Armin’s barely audible snoring beside him. Irwin had always found the noise charming, but Armin had become rather flustered when he’d mentioned it. He realized that the next time he fell into bed, he wouldn’t have that noise next to him to lull him to sleep.

Before Armin realized he’d awoken, the older man watched him for a moment. He appeared to be packing things into one of Irwin’s suitcases, and for a second he thought the younger man had changed his mind, until he noticed that the clothes he was folding were Irwin’s own work suits.

“You’re up early,” he said, causing the younger man to jolt in surprise.

“I was trying to let you sleep in a little,” Armin said, greeting him with a smile despite the start he’d been given, “since I kept you up so late. And since I noticed you didn’t pack a bag yet, I figured I’d get a start on that.” Irwin yawned, and forced himself to sit up—he couldn’t believe he’d been so preoccupied with Armin last night that he’d completely neglected to pack for his albeit unexpected trip.

“You didn’t have to,” the older man said as he got to his feet, adding before Armin could argue, “but thank you.” He crossed the room, feet scuffing on the carpet, and bent to give the younger man a quick kiss on the cheek. Armin playfully pushed him away, shooing him toward the bathroom with a muttered admonishment about Irwin being late.

“It’s a private jet,” Irwin told him, “They can’t really leave without me.” At that, Armin just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Rich people,” he grumbled as Irwin crossed into the bathroom, raising his voice so the older man would be able to hear him from within, “I’m not even impressed by you anymore. Just ‘oh sure, private jet, yeah, they can’t leave without me, haha.’ You make me sick.”

Irwin was still chuckling when he stepped into the shower, though he was surprised when Armin joined him a minute later. “You can go back to bed if you’re finished,” he said.

“Nah. I figured I’d drive you to the airport, so you can kiss me goodbye and promise to come back to me no matter what, you corny, romantic nerd.”

“If you’re driving then I hope you packed a helmet for me.” Armin made an offended noise, and turned away, hugging himself under the hot spray of water. Irwin watched as he tilted his head back, letting the stream cascade over his hair, darkening the flaxen mop. It was getting longer, hanging down below his chin. More than once the older man had heard him muttering about it being too long as he irritably tucked a stray strand behind his ear, or exasperatedly tied it all back into a ponytail.

“Sorry we can’t all drive luxury cars,” the younger man said, effectively ending his admirations, “Pass me the shampoo.”

“You could if you let me buy you one,” Irwin said as he handed his boyfriend the requested bottle.

“Oh, hush.”

Armin’s car was truly an atrocious mode of transportation. The undercarriage sported tracts of rust, and there were a myriad of bumps and dings on the door. Absentmindedness was to blame according to the younger man, who often hit stationary objects with the door when he was climbing out of his car, usually while talking on the phone or lost in thought. He’d flushed guiltily when Irwin asked if he’d ever hit another car, and pled the Fifth Amendment. On top of everything else, most of the windows could only be opened from the driver side panel, and the car still had a cassette deck in lieu of a CD player. Not that it mattered, in Armin’s opinion, because he just hooked his iPod up to the radio.

“At least let me pay to have it fixed,” Irwin insisted as Armin led the way through the parking garage. He had his own assigned spot now on the same level as Irwin, rather than being consigned to guest parking, and his rundown old Geo stood out like a sore thumb in the midst of all the other high-end vehicles.

“I just got it fixed!” Armin protested as he fumbled with his keys.

“You got it fixed three months ago, and now it’s making that rattling noise.”

“It’s always made that noise. It’s supposed to,” Armin argued, yanking open the creaky driver door, “Get in, Your Majesty.” He had to lean across the seat to unlock the door, because the power locks weren’t working, but Irwin decided he’d teased his boyfriend enough for the morning, and said nothing. He climbed into the cramped passenger seat, pushing it back to make room for his legs as Armin started the wheezing, whining engine.

“So, like, on a private jet,” he said as he navigated his way down the ramp to ground level, “do you have a hot tub, and like, a disco ball, and a big screen TV? Or is it like a normal plane, but smaller?”

“Mostly like a normal plane,” Irwin told him. “The food is better. And it has Wi-Fi and television, but I doubt I’ll be watching any movies.”

“Oh, man, you’re gonna work the whole flight aren’t you? You should at least like, grab a few hours of sleep, or have the pilot give you a massage or something.” With a chuckle, Irwin reached over to settle his hand on the back of Armin’s neck, kneading at the soft, short fuzz underneath his hair.

“I promise, I’ll rest on the flight over, alright?” he said.

“You’d better. I’ll know if you don’t.”

“How?”

“I know things. Don’t test me, Irwin,” the blond said with a shrug as he finally pulled out onto the street. “Coast is clear. No paps, no reporters. Good, I don’t have to run anybody down with my car this morning.” With that, he reached up to turn on his iPod, though he kept the volume low. For a few minutes they rode in companionable silence, until Armin began to hum softly along to the music.

Irwin listened for a few blocks and found that even under his breath and barely audible his voice was beautiful. “Why don’t you sing out loud?” he suggested lightly as they rounded a corner toward a tunnel.

Armin gave him a startled look, as if he hadn’t realized what he’d been doing, then scowled. “Oh, you _would_ pull that now that you’ve got me trapped, and you’re leaving the country,” he grumbled.

“I’m not pulling anything,” the older man said. “I just enjoy your singing.”

With a sidelong glance, Armin’s resolve seemed to crumble. “Alright. Hold on, I wanna sing you something nice.” He grabbed the iPod again, and pulled it close, tapping at the screen as the car slowed to a stop.

“Jesus, don’t play around with that while you’re driving,” Irwin said, watching the cars around them with trepidation.

“I’m _not_ driving; we’re at a red light,” Armin retorted, waving up at the lights without looking.

“I don’t care, don’t do it. It’s dangerous, and I worry about you enough as it is.”

“Alright, alright, fine. Can you keep rubbing my neck though?” he said with a penitent pout. Irwin returned the hand he’d pulled away to gesture at the street ahead, and Armin settled on his song choice just as the light turned green.

“And I came here to make you dance tonight; I don’t care if I’m a guilty pleasure for you!” he sang, holding one hand out grandly as they joined the line of traffic heading downward into the tunnel. “And I don't even know what kind of fool you're taking me for. So you've got some brand new clothes you never could afford before.

“Oh brother, spare us all; we don't care anymore, we just wanna get down on the floor!” It was some kind of fast, silly dance music that Irwin had never heard before. And Armin knew every single word, apparently, and a dance that went along with the chorus, where he took his hands off the wheel to punch at the air and wave his arms around as they sped through the tunnel along with dozens of other cars.

“I came here to make you dance tonight; I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you. Shut up 'cause we won't stop! We're getting down 'til the sun's coming up!” He wasn’t singing it so much as shouting it at the top of his lungs after a certain point, and Irwin slid his hand down to give his arm an anxious squeeze.

“Okay, okay, you made your point, please stop,” he pleaded as they zoomed past a roaring semi.

“Why, I thought you liked my singing?” Armin shouted cheekily over the music and the wind whipping through the windows. Irwin didn’t get a chance to respond before he started belting out the next lines; “I'm so bored, oh please don't talk anymore, shut your mouth and get down on the floor! So cynical? Poor baby, I can dish it 'cause I know how to take it!”

Irwin gave up and let him have his fun. Mercifully, the tunnel gave way to open highway again a few minutes later, and by that time some other fast-paced rock music was playing, and Armin had turned down the radio.

“That was fun!” he chirped. “Oh man, I haven’t done any car-dancing since high school. What about you, babe? Ever pack all your friends in a car and go out driving?”

“Not like that,” Irwin told him.

“Right. You probably had a driver and went everywhere in a Rolls Royce.” Irwin gave him a look, and he giggled, “You didn’t say no, so I’m going to assume I’m right.”

“You’re going to miss the exit to the airport.”

“Oh, shit!” Irwin was treated to the second near-death experience of his life as Armin cut across three lanes of traffic without warning, well before they even neared the exit.

“You’re never driving again,” he said once his heart no longer felt like it was going to explode out of his throat. “I’m hereby revoking your license.”

“I’m not _that_ bad,” Armin said. “Wait, are you crying?”

They reached the airport without further incident. It was privately owned and smaller than the city’s primary commercial airport, and protected by a booth and safety gate. As soon as they parked and climbed out of the car, a strange somberness seemed to settle over Armin, as if everything else up until then had been an act for Irwin’s benefit. He put a consoling arm around the younger man’s shoulders and they walked inside together.

“It’s good for couples to spend time apart,” Armin said once they’d taken their seats, waiting for somebody to come tell them the flight crew was ready to take off. Normally, Irwin would have waited on the plane rather than in the terminal, but he didn’t want to take Armin onboard only to have to make him leave. It turned out he didn’t even have a passport, so he couldn’t have gone even if he’d suddenly changed his mind right then and there. Somehow he’d forgotten that detail in his distress the night before. “I mean, we’re together so often. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself while you’re gone.”

Irwin felt his smaller hand tightening around his fingers, and leaned down, pressing his mouth against the crown of Armin’s head. “I promise if you promise.”

“I will,” he said. “And call me as soon as you land, okay?”

“Promise.” They were silent for several minutes; Armin leaned his head against Irwin’s shoulder and held one of his hands in both of his.

Then, “Irwin?”

“Yes?”

“Am I really that bad a driver?”

“Not as bad a Levi, sweetheart. His road-rage is out of control.”

“Oh. Good.”

A few minutes later a member of airport personnel came over to inform him that his flight was ready, and they stood. Armin wouldn’t look him in the eye, which Irwin knew by now meant he was trying not to cry. He bent to kiss him anyway, catching the side of his mouth before Armin threw his arms around his neck.

“I’m such a baby,” he whispered, “You’re just leaving for a few days.”

“You’re not a baby,” Irwin said, hugging him close, “I’m going to miss you, too.”

Armin squeezed him tight, then stepped back, wiping irritably at his eyes. “I’ll walk you to the gate,” he said. His grip on Irwin’s hand was like a vice.

“You’re not worrying about plane crashes again, are you?” he asked.

“…No,” Armin said, staring very pointedly down at his feet as they walked.

“Don’t worry. I’ve been flying with this pilot for years. We’re not going to crash.” Armin just nodded.

They kissed again at the gate. Armin looked very solemn when Irwin pulled away, but he wasn’t crying anymore. “Call me,” he said, “Remember. And make sure you _sleep_. And _eat_. Like a human.”

“Yes, yes,” Irwin agreed. “I love you.”

Armin gave him a piercing, imploring look, as if he was trying to convey as much as he could with just his eyes without bursting into another of his mini-tirades. “I love _you_ ,” he said.

X

Exhausted wasn’t a strong enough word for what Irwin was feeling. He dragged himself through the hotel, up an elevator and down a hall to his suite, and sagged down onto the bed inside. If he thought he’d been tired in the weeks leading up to this day, then he’d been wrong. In fact, he couldn’t remember feeling this bone-tired and mentally weary since his days in boot-camp. More than anything he wanted to stretch out in bed and fall asleep, but he hadn’t been able to call Armin earlier and he knew he should before doing anything else.

As soon as the plane had landed, a man in a suit at the airport had informed him there was a meeting starting in twenty minutes, and that his presence was required. He hadn’t even had a chance to go to the hotel and drop off his things—some German businessman’s assistant was there to take his bags for him. Thankfully they seemed to have arrived unharmed, though he was too tired to get up and check them. He didn’t even know what Armin had packed for him.

 _Armin_ , he thought, shaking his head as he reached for the phone on the bedside table. It took some sleepy finagling, but he managed to dial out, and was rewarded with the sound of Armin’s phone ringing from the other side of the world.

“Hello?” his voice sounded drowsy and thick, as if he’d just woken up, and Irwin only realized then how late it was.

“Armin,” he said, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier.”

“Oh, Irwin! It’s okay. I was a little worried when you didn’t call but…you sound exhausted, are you okay?”

“Yes,” Irwin said with a tired little laugh as he fell back onto the mattress. “Just a long, long day. As soon as I got here, I had to go straight into a meeting. It lasted for hours, and then the company president, Herr Adler, insisted that I go out to dinner with himself and his colleagues. I just got back. It’s three in the morning here.”

“Oh my gosh. Poor baby,” Armin said as he clearly stifled a yawn, “I dozed off, but it’s only nine o’ clock here. You should go to bed. I don’t want to keep you up.”

“No,” Irwin said, “I spent an entire day talking to boring old businessmen. I want to talk to _you_. Just for a little while.”

Armin made another sympathetic noise, and said, “Alright. How was your day, aside from the boring parts?”

“It was all boring,” Irwin told him, “Boring and stressful. I had to spend half my time pandering, and the other half taking shit from these people with a grin plastered on my face. Tell me about your day, please. I need to hear that you did something constructive with your time.”

“Well,” Armin said, “I actually had a pretty good day.”

“Oh?”

“Mm-hmm. After you left, I was pretty bummed, and I wound up driving past the salon and I decided to stop in and say hi. Ymir chewed me out pretty good, but she doesn’t mean half the shit she says. And I wound up hanging out there for a while.”

“Nobody bothered you?”

“No! It was great! I got to see some of my dogs again. I really missed them,” he sounded sad for a moment, then he brightened again. “And then when I finally got home I took Romy for a walk. I walked him down to that little park on the corner, and he saw one of his doggy friends. Some people kinda looked at me funny, but nobody said anything.” He sighed almost wistfully, “People are probably always going to be giving me funny looks from now on. But I can deal with that, I guess.”

Irwin felt a little pull in his chest, and wished he was there with Armin rather than here in his hotel suite thousands of miles away.

“Anything else?” he asked.

“Oh, Mikasa came over and we hung out on the patio for a while. It’s _freezing_ out there. I mean, does it ever get warm, like in the summer, or is it always cold because of the height?”

“It gets warmer,” Irwin promised him.

“Good. I was thinking—if you don’t mind—I want to plant some stuff in those big stone planters out there. I used to have a little garden back home, and I miss it.”

“What did you grow?”

“Flowers, mostly, but I had some tomato plants and herbs, too. Tomatoes are way better off the vine than they are from a grocery store.”

“You can use the planters. I usually hire somebody to come plant things out there for me, but you’re perfectly welcome to them.”

“Thanks,” Armin said. “Are you ready to sleep now? I can hear it in your voice. I told you. I know things.”

“Hmm,” Irwin hummed, too tired to come up with a decent quip in return.

“Go to sleep, dummy,” Armin chided.

“Very well,” Irwin mumbled. “Love you.”

“I love you, too. Sweet dreams, you overachiever.”

X

_Eat something!_

There were notes in his suitcase, in his briefcase, in the pockets of his suits. All in Armin’s neat, tiny lettering. He must have been up far earlier than Irwin had realized, writing out these little notes in some sort of stress and affection-fueled fury.

_Take a break!_

_Sleep, you loser!_

_Don’t take anybody’s shit!_

_Drink water!_

_I love you!_

_I’m serious, go to bed!_

They were all punctuated in a fashion that felt almost aggressive, and sported little doodles of stern frowny-faces to reinforce that his orders were not to be ignored. Irwin saved each one he found in a little pile on the nightstand by the bed that felt too-large and empty when he fell into it to sleep and woke up alone.

The meetings he attended the next day were all too long, tedious in their formality, and always ended with somebody wanting to pull him aside for a private discussion. Adler felt that he and Irwin were kindred spirits in a way, as the German was also in a relationship with somebody younger than himself. A sweet young girl that his wife didn’t know about, he’d confided to Irwin with a knowing wink. It took every last tattered scrap of willpower he possessed not to knock the fool’s teeth in. Instead he just smiled tightly at him and said that they were both very lucky women. Adler didn’t seem to have a good enough grasp of English to hear the sarcasm in his voice.

Around midday he received a message from Armin, with a picture attachment of Romulus in the bathtub, coat foamy with soap, wearing the saddest expression a dog could muster. _Gave Romy a bath. Poor sad puppy. Hope you’re having a better day than he is! xxxooo_

Another followed a few hours later, this time a picture of Armin laying on what looked like the floor, pulling a silly face. _Here’s a pic of me so u don’t forget what I look like/ need some wank material. I made a sexy face for u_.

Nobody seemed to be paying him any real attention in the current meeting he was trapped in. Somebody was presenting a PowerPoint that was all in German—he understood most of it, but it was all information he was already aware of.

**Armin you’re not bored are you?**

A few minutes later, _Me? Bored? Yes. Gonna take Romy for walkies in a few mins._

**Be safe.**

_:P Don’t worry so much it’s bad for u._  
 _Hey we should skype tonite._  
 _U know how to skype rite_  
 _I miss ur pretty face_

**I know what Skype is.**

_Good going for walk now. I know u got my notes cuz I put them everywhere make sure u follow my instructions._  
 _I’ll find out if u don’t_  
 _I have eyes everywhere._

**Yes Armin I know. Have fun.**

_Ok <3 u be good_

Irwin began to wonder if Armin really did have spies watching over him. Or perhaps he’d called the hotel from home, because room service showed up five minutes after he got back to his room with dinner. He had managed to worm his way out of going out with Adler and Friends again tonight, but he realized that he was starving even as he protested the delivery. “I didn’t order—,”

“Sorry, Herr Schmidt. Bad English. Gibt es ein Herr Arlert mit Ihnen? Er bestellte Abdensdessen gebracht werden, ween Sie zuruck bekam.” The boy looked around, and seemed puzzled to not see anybody else there in the room.

“Thank you. Er, danke. Das ist alles.” He sent the boy on his way with a tip, and sat down to eat and check his messages.

_Did u get back yet?_  
 _See what a good boyfriend I am._  
 _I have skype up whenever u ready babe_

Irwin left his meal just long enough to set up his laptop on the dining table next to him, and with texted instruction from Armin was able to get the program up and running. In just a few minutes the younger man appeared on his screen, very clearly sitting at Irwin’s desk in his home office.

“I can order dinner for myself you know,” he said as Armin’s face lit up, and he gave the older man an enthusiastic wave.

“I know, I know, but would you have?” Armin said, not looking apologetic in the least.

“Anything is possible,” Irwin said, “Thank you, though.”

“Did they bring you something good? I had no idea what I was saying. I could have ordered you a pig’s butt or something.”

“They brought me salad and pasta.”

“Oh, well that’s boring! You’re in Germany; you should be eating like, sauerkraut or an internal organ that shouldn’t be eaten,” Armin said with a disappointed look on his face. The room was dimly lit, and he was a little blurry, but Irwin was glad to see that he seemed to be in good spirits.

“You look terrible, though. Are they making you miserable?” the younger man asked, expression transforming into one of concern as he leaned in close to the monitor.

“No. Adler is an idiot. His predecessor was far more tolerable, but he apparently retired a month ago. I can deal with idiots, though, as you well know. It’s just tiring.”

“What is it, like eight o’ clock there?”

“Yes.”

“If you’re not too tired, you wanna have phone sex?” Irwin almost choked in response the unexpected question. Well, he’d have been lying if he hadn’t been expecting it to be brought up at some point. And he should have known Armin would be blunt about it.

“Armin,” he said after he’d taken a drink, ignoring the younger man’s laughter, “Give me a little warning next time.”

“Well, do you wanna? It’s okay if you’re too tired. I’ll put the ceiling light on so you can see me better. Unless you wanna hang up and call me on your phone?” He sounded so conversational about it, like he had the night before while telling Irwin about his day.

“I’m not too tired,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Armin smiled wide like he did whenever he was truly, completely happy. Like the time Irwin had given him the Call of the Wild for Christmas, and he’d looked so surprised and grateful.

“Let’s hang up. I’ve never done this, I wanna do it for real.” Irwin had barely closed out the program when he phone started to ring.

“Who is this?” he asked.

“Very funny. You wanna get inside my imaginary pants, you’re gonna have to be nicer to me than that.”

“Imaginary?” Irwin asked, reaching up to loosen his tie as he stood up from the table and walked toward the bed, “Does that mean you’re not wearing any? Were you half-naked in my office, touching yourself, aching for me?”

“Holy shit, your voice, how are you good at this? I’m already embarrassed,” Armin said, voice already shaky, and Irwin could practically hear him blushing.

“This was your idea.”

“And you’ve obviously done this before, which I wasn’t aware of.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Irwin assured him, “Where are you now?”

“In bed.”

“Oh?”

“Y-yeah. I’m really not wearing any pants now, FYI. Oh gosh, that was a dorky thing to say wasn’t it?”

“You’re fine,” Irwin said, settling back onto the hotel bedspread. “Remember that time I tied you up, and you screamed and begged for my cock?”

“Jesus, yes I remember. I still owe you for that.”

“Yeah? What would you do to me if you had the chance?”

“I’d…um, I’ve actually put a lot of thought into that,” Armin said, obviously blushing again, though his matter of fact tone caused Irwin to have to muffle a laugh behind his hand. “I can hear you, gosh. Okay. I don’t know how to make fancy marine-knots, so I’d probably have to handcuff you. You and your ridiculous muscles, you’d probably rip anything I tied you up with.”

“And?”

“And…I’d touch you…you know what, I’m beginning to regret this decision.”

“Come on, you have no problem saying filthy things to me when I’m there. This is no different.”

“It’s a _little_ different,” Armin huffed, “I hate you being so far away. I want to touch you so bad. Anywhere. Literally. I mean, I could seriously go for booping your nose right now. But I’d touch your cock, too. I want it. Can you…Touch yourself for me, please baby.” The last part of the sentence turned into a command, and Irwin already had his hand on his belt, yanking it open anxiously. He heard Armin’s breathing picking up over the line, and suspected he was already a few steps ahead.

“You have your hand on your cock, sweetheart?” he breathed as he finally reached down into his underwear, palming himself, “Does it feel good?”

“I wish it was yours, but yeah,” Armin murmured back. “Shit. How much longer are you gonna be gone, because I fucking _need_ you.”

“A day or two more. What do you want me to do when I get back?” He pushed the waistband of his briefs down, freeing himself for easier movement, sliding his hand up and down his cock.

“Fuck. Put your dick in me. I want to suck it. It feels so good on my tongue, so heavy and hot. I want to taste you, and I want you to fuck me. Bend me over and just _fuck_ me.”

“You like being pinned down, don’t you?”

“Only by you. You make me feel so safe, I don’t care if it hurts; I want it.”

“I’ll fuck you as hard as you want,” Irwin said, “I’ll fuck you until you forget to breathe.”

“Oh my God,” Armin whined, and Irwin heard shuffling as if he’d dropped the phone and was hastily grabbing for it. “Shit. Oh!”

“Already? Am I making it too good for you?”

“Yes. Oh, please don’t stop!”

Irwin’s hand began to move faster as he closed his eyes, imagined Armin’s face, open mouthed and red and gasping. “I want you Armin. Come for me.”

“I want you to come in me. It’s so gross, but I want it, I don’t care. Fuck, Irwin. _Please_ , I need you.” Irwin heard him panting, whining, like he always did right before he came.

“I wish I was inside you,” he growled, “You’re so tight around me. When you come you clamp down around me, and it feels so good I can’t hold back. God Armin, I love you. I want to fuck you on every surface of our house until your legs give out.”

“Irwin, oh my God, your fucking voice, it’s—I can’t—,” he broke off, and Irwin heard the phone drop again, and Armin shouting his name and sobbing. That did it for him—he came with a groan, leaning his head back into the pillows as he spilled all over his hand and on his briefs. He’d have to have his pants dry-cleaned now, but in his current state of post-orgasmic bliss he didn’t care.

“Are you still there?” Armin’s voice asked a few long minutes later, still wavering but full of affection.

“Mm-hmm.”

Irwin heard him laughing as he said, “You sleepy now?”

“Was that your plan all along? To get me tired enough to sleep?” Irwin said without opening his eyes.

“My plan was to be sexy and suave and get you to have phone sex with me. This is just an added bonus for you. A good night of post-sex sleep.”

“You call all that stuttering suave?”

“I didn’t stutter! That much. Ugh, you can’t make me mad now. I’m in too good a mood. I’m gonna take a nap. Eren and Mikasa are coming over tonight and we’re going to get drunk and watch bad SyFy movies.”

“Oh no, I’m going to miss your jokes,” Irwin said dryly, feigning disappointment.

“Don’t worry; there’ll be plenty of opportunities for you to hear my great jokes in the future,” Armin said, sounding quite pleased with himself. “Anyway, I’ll let you get your beauty rest. Love you lots. Thanks for putting up with my obsessive behavior.”

“I love you, too. And it’s not obsessive. You were right, I’d have gone to sleep without bothering to eat anything,” Irwin said.

“A- ha! I knew it. You’re terrible at taking care of yourself. I don’t know how you survived this long without me, to be honest.”

“Neither do I,” Irwin said, fending off a yawn. “I’ll let you know tomorrow when I’ll be coming home. Have fun tonight.”

“I will. Nighty-night, don’t let the bedbugs bite.” Irwin pressed the end button and let the phone drop to the comforter. He got out of bed just long enough to clean up and change into a fresh pair of briefs, then climbed back into bed. With thoughts of Armin’s voice echoing through his head, he was asleep in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys. These updates are always for you. 
> 
> Oh, and in case anybody is unaware, you can find me on [the tumbles](http://attackontartan.tumblr.com/).
> 
> edit: I forgot because I'm a loser. The song is Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about Germany D: I’m sorry. 
> 
> I spent the whole day working on this. I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Just a warning, there are mentions of stalking in this, and the emotional reaction that would accompany such a situation.

“So you have no idea how much longer you’re going to be there?” Armin’s voice was almost perfectly level, but for the slightest tremor that gave away what he was really thinking. He wasn’t happy, but he was trying to hide it, trying to keep Irwin from noticing so as not to add weight to his already strained nerves.

“No,” Irwin sighed. “No, and I’m sorry.” He was in a hallway by himself, near a rear exit of the building. The hall seemed disused, too out of the way for most people, possibly just an emergency exit and perfect for carrying on private conversations.

“It’s not your fault,” Armin mumbled, voice muffled. Irwin pictured him curled up in bed, knees up to his chin with the phone cradled against his ear. It was early enough that he probably wouldn’t have gotten up yet, but he would still answer the phone when he saw it was Irwin who was calling. “You shouldn’t have to take this Adler guy’s garbage. It’s not fair.”

“No, it isn’t,” Irwin agreed, rubbing at his eyes with thumb and forefinger. It was only just past noon in Berlin, but he was definitely ready to call it a day. That morning, after two days of mindless prattling and assurances, Adler had done an extreme one-eighty. He’d gone from being a simpering rake to a stuttering apologist. Everything he’d said about the deals they were supposed to be making were suddenly having to be put on hold for one reason or another. All of said reasons were utter bullshit, and Irwin knew it—Adler had been threatened by somebody, and was now trying to look for a way out of all the promises he’d made, though he lacked the subtlety to do so with grace.

“I bet it’s whoever is behind everything else,” Armin said in hushed whisper, “They’re still trying to hurt you.” Irwin had told him his suspicions already. It was easier sometimes to talk to Armin about these things, as he wasn’t prone to fly into a temper and start cursing and making death threats like Levi. And there weren’t many people he trusted outside of the two of them.

“It could be,” Irwin said, recalling the conversation he’d had right before calling Armin, “but it could be somebody else. Levi thinks—,”

“Levi’s wrong,” Armin interjected, “It’s not some business partner of his over there in Europe. It’s the same person. Who else could it be?” He was angry, though it was hard to pin down where he was directing that anger. Armin’s tempers tended to be sharp and decisive, with very specific targets.

“Armin—,”

“I think it’s Dawk.” Irwin was silent for a long moment, which only seemed to confirm whatever suspicions were brewing in Armin’s mind. “You think so too. Why aren’t you doing anything about it?” he demanded to know. Well, at least Irwin knew now that part of Armin’s frustration was leveled toward him.

“I don’t have any way to prove it. And I doubt he has the temerity to pull of anything like this on his own,” he explained firmly.

“So the board was in on it too. Just fire them, Irwin. Jesus, I don’t get why you won’t just get rid of them all,” Armin fairly spat.

“It’s—,” Irwin began, but was cut off again.

“It’s not that complicated! Just tell them to pack their shit and get out!” The only thing stopping Irwin from growing exasperated enough to snap back at him was the quivering strain in his voice. “I hate this, Irwin,” he continued shakily, “I hate _them_. They shouldn’t be able to get away with this.”

“They won’t,” the older man said, keeping his voice low, trying not to sound affected by his boyfriend’s misery, “I’m working on it, Armin. I know it’s taking longer than you probably anticipated, but we’re already expecting several board members to announce their resignations by the end of the month.”

“So then what are you gonna do about Adler? Somebody is still pulling his strings, and he’s in another friggin country.”

“He’s incompetent,” Irwin said resolutely, “and replaceable.”

“So you’re going to do to him what they were trying to do to you?” Armin said, tone not quite accusatory.

“Adler is a fool and a degenerate. He’s weak, and he’s already damaging his own company,” Irwin said, “It’s not the same.”

“It _is_ the same thing,” Armin muttered, “but you have to do what you have to do.”

Irwin was a little taken aback. He had expected Armin to be appalled by the idea, but he seemed to be giving his—admittedly grudging—support. “So you understand,” Irwin said, more relieved than he thought he’d be.

“Yes. It’s a shitty thing to do, but you’re my boyfriend. Adler is just some idiot who’s making your life difficult. And if he’s as big an ass as you say, then he doesn’t deserve what he has.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Irwin agreed.

“Do you at least have a plan?” Armin asked, “I mean, is this going to take a long time, or is it something you can do in few days?”

“I’m basically on my own over here,” Irwin said, “but from what I’ve already gathered, there are plenty of people here who agree with my opinions on the man. I have to be careful, but if I can garner enough support, we can pressure him to step down. If not, then I already have enough dirt on him to blackmail him into resigning. Then it’s just a matter of who should take his place.”

“So it’s going to take a long time,” Armin said. Now his voice was too even, too flat.

“Armin, I’m sorry,” he said, covering his eyes again, wishing he could sag to the floor and just sit there for a while. But it wouldn’t look good for somebody to see him looking as overwrought as he felt.

“Don’t be,” Armin said.

“I am. You have no idea how much I’d rather be with you than be here,” Irwin said. There was silence on the line, but Irwin thought he could hear something that sounded like muffled sniffling. It could have been static, or the phone being shuffled, but he didn’t think it was. “Armin, I’m so sorry.”

“Just do what you have to do,” Armin said, still level, but thick, like he was talking through emotions that Irwin couldn’t see. “Do what you have to, and then come home.”

“I will. I promise you, I will.”

X

There were no messages from Armin for three days. Irwin called to check in on him every day, but whatever good mood he’d been in seemed to have evaporated with the news of his extended stay. The worst part was not being able to determine whether or not Armin was angry solely with him, secretly disgusted by his actions but not willing to say so, or if he was just upset with the whole situation. _He would tell me if he didn’t like what I was doing_ , Irwin thought to reassure himself. Armin wasn’t shy about his opinions, not anymore at least.

A message came on the fourth day, Irwin’s phone buzzing insistently in the middle of a meeting with Adler’s current second-in-command—a stolid woman by the name of Rico Brzenska, who had apparently been passed over for the promotion to become company president.

“There was something suspicious about it, certainly,” she said, her English flawless and without inflection. “Adler is a fool, and nobody in their right mind would have chosen him. I knew he had to have done something underhanded, but I can’t prove it.”

With a glance down at his phone, which sat unobtrusively on the desk between them, Irwin said, “And nobody would care that he’s involved in an extra-marital affair?”

“Everybody knows,” Rico said flatly, brow furrowing, “He’s not exactly discreet. And coming from _you_ , it wouldn’t have quite the same impact.” Irwin tried not to feel ruffled by her implication that him dating Armin was in any way akin to Adler cheating on his wife with some young girl, who either thought he really loved her, or didn’t care and just loved his money.

“But the media—,”

“This isn’t America, Herr Smith. People might be disgusted by him, but his personal life has nothing to do with his ability to run a company, poor as that ability may be. The point is, I don’t just want him to be embarrassed into stepping down. I want to utterly destroy him. I want his life to be in ruins when he his replaced, preferably by me.”

Ignoring the distinct feeling that somewhere, at some point in time, somebody had probably had a nearly identical discussion pertaining to him, Irwin leaned forward. “I’m a stranger here, Frau Brzenska,” he said, “Unfortunately, all I can do is offer assistance wherever you see fit. I have my own business to worry about. Remember that I’m simply here to maintain the relationship between our companies. As long as that happens, I don’t really care who is in charge.”

“Yes, but _I_ cannot be threatened by outside forces. I _will_ not. So, unfortunately, you’re stuck here until such time as whoever winds up in charge can make a decision as to whether or not we’ll continue working with you.” Irwin fought the urge to sigh raggedly, instead straightening in his chair and meeting her steadfast gaze with one of his own. He knew his position had become merely that of a distraction. Somebody to keep Adler busy while Brzenska got everything into position. They both knew that if he wasn’t up to the task, then it would be all too easy to find somebody else to badger him with requests and proposals. And whoever that was would have her favor.

“He’ll only put up with me for so long before he begins to suspect something,” Irwin said, “Even he’s not that stupid.”

“Yes, well. That’s your problem, isn’t it? He’s a sexist pig who won’t consider anything I do even remotely untoward. If he has his way, in a few months I’ll be replaced with some other idiot friend of his. So, if he suspects something, it’ll be you he’s suspicious of, not me. You and whoever else is threatening him.”

“Well, then we had better do something quick,” Irwin said. All of this maneuvering was tiresome enough without being made known that he was easily replaceable if he didn’t toe the line. It was all too familiar to the way he had once had to deal with his own board of directors.

“Yes. We had better.” He was clearly being dismissed, so he excused himself, bringing his phone with him out into the hallway. There were a flurry of notifications flashing across the screen. Perhaps he could make an early day of it, he thought as he began to read through them. Some were from Levi, others business-related matters, but the ones that caught his eye were those from Armin.

_I love you Irwin._  
I miss you so much I’m sorry I was mad at you.   
Can we skype tonight? I want to see you.   
I’m having a bad day I need to talk to you.   
I’m really not ok please call me. 

Any number of scenarios ran through his head as he quickly pressed the call button, sharp needles of concern prickling through his chest while the phone rang and rang. By the eighth ring he was headed toward the exit, planning on hailing a cab and directing it toward the airport, but then the ringing cut short and he heard a small intake of breath before Armin answered. “Hey,” he said softly, and there was something disconcertingly wooden about his tone.

“Armin, I just got your messages. Are you okay?”

There was silence for several seconds, then, “I’m…I want to talk to you face to face.” Something wasn’t right. No, something was very, very _wrong_. He didn’t sound like himself, not even how he normally sounded when he was upset.

“Alright. I’m on my way back to the hotel now. I’ll call you when I get there,” he said, hurrying out the main doors and down the steps to the sidewalk. It was just starting to get dark out, so it was still early back home, but obviously something had to have happened.

“Okay,” Armin said, sounding small. Irwin hailed a cab, promising the driver a large bonus if he made the drive in ten minutes or less. Usually he would have waited for a company car to take him back, but he didn’t have time for that now. The cabbie peeled away from the curb, and began to weave and dodge through traffic like a madman. Irwin was tempted to tell him to slow down a little—if they got in an accident then he certainly wouldn’t be able to help Armin—but he gritted his teeth and made sure his seatbelt was buckled tight.

When they came to a jerking, screeching halt outside of the hotel, Irwin gave the man all the cash he had in his wallet. Far too much, but also not enough. Moving as quickly as he could without breaking into an all-out run, he exited the cab, hurried inside the hotel and through the lobby. The elevator ride seemed to last an eternity, and he dropped his keycard outside of his room with a curse, fumbling it in the slot before finally shoving the door open.

Armin was waiting for him, in his office again, sitting in the chair with his knees pulled up, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and pajama pants. Irwin couldn’t see him very well, but there was something about the way he was perched in that chair that didn’t sit right with him.

“Hi,” he said, still not sounding quite like how he should.

“Are you okay?” Irwin asked again.

Armin seemed to consider the question, and then he shrugged. “I miss you,” he said.

“I know,” Irwin said, “I miss you, too.” Armin ducked his head into his knees, and Irwin saw movement at the bottom of the screen—Romulus sitting up next to the chair to rest his chin on the armrest. “Did something happen?” No answer. “Armin, tell me what’s wrong.” He knew he sounded too forceful, but there was an unfamiliar anxiety in his chest, strangling him with a nauseating fear.

Finally, Armin said, “It’s nothing. I’m just…How are things going over there? Are you coming home soon?” He looked up from his knees, but the shadows in his hood hid most of his face.

“Its…It’s complicated. I’m being yanked around on both sides. Adler keeps lying to me, and so do my alleged allies. Or, they just aren’t telling me the whole truth. They’re using me, essentially, to meet their own ends. And that’s fine, so long as I get what I want out of it.” If he was truthful, then he could possibly persuade Armin to open up as well. Throwing their honesty pledge into his face now wouldn’t do any good. Not when Irwin had no idea what it was that had upset him so badly.

“Oh,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. It’s not a big deal.”

“You scared me,” Irwin said, “Those messages you sent. I thought you had been hurt.”

“No,” Armin assured him, seeming alarmed, “No, I’m not hurt.”

“Then what happened?” Silence again. “Armin, please. You know you can tell me anything. No judgment. Did somebody do something to you?”

Armin was shaking his head, “No. Nobody…It’s just…I think that…somebody’s been…following me.” He grew quieter, smaller, drawing in on himself until his voice was almost a whisper.

Irwin felt his body growing rigid, felt a dark rage sweeping through him, numbing him. “Who?” he asked through a jaw that was clenched almost too tightly to speak.

“I don’t know,” his voice was shaking now, uncontrollably, “I thought I was being paranoid, or that he was a paparazzo, but he didn’t have a camera. I saw him yesterday, and I thought…I don’t know. Then I saw him again today. I was walking Romy, and I kept seeing him, and I was just…I came b-back and set the alarm and locked m-myself in here, w-waiting for you.” His voice hitched with little gasps and stutters, and by the end he was almost incomprehensible. The sense of helplessness Irwin felt as he watched his boyfriend bury his face in his hands, trying and failing to muffle a sob, nearly broke him.

“I’m coming home,” he said. “Right now.”

“N-no!” Armin cried, leaning forward and sweeping his hood back. He looked terrible, scared out of his mind, eyes red and bleary. “You can’t. Not because of me!”

“Armin, somebody is stalking—,”

“If you leave now I’ll just feel worse!” he said, wiping at his eyes, “Please don’t come back because of me.” He covered his eyes again, choking back a noise of anguish. Irwin could only watch. He couldn’t reach for him, couldn’t do anything to comfort him. There was an ache in his chest, a pain that spread, twisting with his anger and helplessness.

“What did he look like?” he asked, his own voice unrecognizably cold.

“I c-couldn’t see his face,” Armin whispered hoarsely, “But…he was big. Not as tall as you, but…beefier.” He sniffled, voice growing steadier as he seemed to retreat into his mind’s eye, “He was wearing a heavy jacket, though. A brown coat, like a…a work coat. And he had the hood up, with a baseball cap under it, and sunglasses. Every time I looked at him he looked away, like, ducked his head.” He wiped at his eyes again with his sleeve, staring down at the desk as Romulus whined and nudged his leg. “It was like…he wanted me to know he was watching me, because he didn’t try to keep his distance or anything, and it was just…I didn’t know what to do.”

“Armin, I know you don’t like being told what to do, but I need you to listen to me,” Irwin said, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. It wasn’t Armin who deserved his anger, after all. “Do not go outside alone. Romulus doesn’t count. I don’t doubt that he’d try to protect you, but until I get back, I don’t want you outside without somebody with you.”

“Okay,” the younger man said without looking up at him, and worryingly without argument.

“I’m going to call Levi, and I’m going to have him station people around the building. If you go out, they’ll shadow you, but I still want you to have someone else with you. _Always_. Please.”

“I will,” Armin agreed with a little nod.

“I am so sorry,” Irwin said. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I love you, though. I promise I’ll be home soon.”

“I love you, too,” Armin said, finally looking up at him. “Can you stay on with me for a while?”

“Of course.” They didn’t talk much more, but it seemed to comfort Armin nonetheless, just to be able to see him and to know he was doing something. He called Levi while they were still connected, and his officer of operations swore up a storm.

“Fucking bastards. They think they can get to you through the kid, that’s why they’re doing this. They still think they have a chance to get to you. Don’t worry; I’ll put a detail on your place. Nobody is getting anywhere near your precious brat.”

“Thank you Levi,” Irwin said. He’d put the phone on speaker so Armin could hear, and he was relieved to see a little smile on his face.

“Petra says she’s heading over there, by the way,” Levi added, “You hear that, kid? I hope you’re happy, you fucking cock-block.”

“Alright, Levi, that’s enough,” Irwin said, “Tell Petra I said thank you, as well. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, yeah, hurry the fuck up over there. I’m this close to strangling one of these idiots with my bare hands.”

“He’s not so bad,” Armin said once Irwin had ended the call. “Don’t tell him I said that, though.”

“I won’t,” Irwin vowed. “Do you feel any better?”

Armin shrugged as he combed a hand back through his messy hair. “Yeah. I still miss you. This whole thing just sucks so much. I can’t wait until it’s just _over_.”

“Me too,” Irwin said. “Soon. I promise. I’ll make sure of it.” That somebody out there had the gall to go after Armin had shaken him, but it also strengthened his resolve. They had crossed a line, going out of their way to frighten somebody whom he cared about so deeply, whom he loved.

“Just be careful, okay,” Armin said, looking tired. More than anything Irwin wanted to reach out and wrap him up in his arms, to rub his back and tell him everything was going to be fine.

“I will be,” he promised.

X

Adler seemed startled when he looked up from his desk and saw Irwin stalking through the door to his office. He turned and shut it firmly behind him as the sniveling man scowled up at him.

“Herr Smith, how can I help you?” he asked, clearly not pleased with the interruption. There was a girl sitting on the edge of his desk, perched like a trophy, and regarding Irwin with a wide-eyed look.

He nodded to her, and then addressed Adler. “I need to speak with you,” he said.

“There is a meeting in—,”

“Privately,” Irwin clarified, shooting another quick glance at the girl. She quailed under his gaze, and turned to look at Adler. He said something to her in German, telling her that he’d see her later that night.

“What is it you wish to discuss?” Adler asked once she had flounced out of the room.

“She’s a pretty girl,” Irwin said.

Adler chuckled, leaning back in his chair. “That she is, though I thought you fancied boys, Smith.”

“That’s as may be,” Irwin said, strolling forward and standing directly in front of the desk, ignoring the chairs available as he towered above the president. “There is one young man in particular I ‘fancy,’ as you well know. I love him, in fact. Is that something you can understand?”

“I don’t—,”

“You’re going to resign as president,” Irwin cut in. Adler stared up at him for a few seconds, and then he barked a laugh, throwing his head back in amusement.

“Such a sense of humor,” he said. “What sort of joke is that, Herr Smith?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” Irwin asked. He regarded Adler with his coldest gaze, and the man’s amused expression slowly transmuted back into a frown.

“What is the meaning of this, then? You cannot intimidate me.”

“Can’t I?” Irwin asked, leaning forward, placing his hands flat on the desk to put them at eye level. “You have a wife and children. A young lady who you must care for on some level. How would you feel if they were threatened?”

Adler seemed to stiffen, eyes going wide with anger. “You threaten them? Do you have any idea—?”

“Do _you_ have any idea what _I_ will do to protect what I care about?” Irwin asked, all frigid steel, “What would _you_ do? I would destroy anyone who stood in the way of their safety, anyone who even entertained the thought of causing them harm. But you? You are a spineless weasel. You would do nothing. You will run this company into the ground. You have power, but you don’t know what to do with it. I however, do.” Adler shrank back as he leaned in closer, “I will do whatever I have to in order to destroy you. I won’t hurt your family, but there are other ways, and I will find each and every one, and use them to cause you pain.”

“W-why?” Adler whimpered, “Why would you—?”

“You know very well why. If you think whoever else is threatening you could do worse, then go ahead and scrape and bow to them, and see what that earns you. But if you step down now, I will see to it that they cannot lay a finger on you or the people you love. Those are your choices. Suffer, or do as I say.”

He’d been correct in assuming that Adler was weak. He had backstabbed his way to a position of power, but he didn’t know how to use it properly. And now that he was faced with a choice of handing that power away, or being squashed like the insect that he was, he was choosing the easy way out.

“I’ll do it,” he said, dropping his gaze, “Please. I don’t know who it is that is threatening me, but they sent me pictures of my children playing at school, and a note that said if I helped you…”

“No harm will come to your children. We’ll do this as quietly as possible, and you’ll leave the country. By the time we announce that you’ve stepped down, you’ll all be too far out of reach.” Adler looked almost relieved. He sagged in his chair, and Irwin straightened, reaching up to adjust his tie. He should have just done this from the start. Damn propriety. The only thing that mattered was Armin.

X

It took a few more days, a few more secret meetings and paperwork signed. Adler wrote out his letter of resignation and handed it to Brzenska with his head bowed. Irwin wasn’t certain the man could truly feel shame, but at least his sense of self-preservation was stronger than his pride.

“Don’t think you can intimidate me the way you did him,” Brzenska told him at the last meeting, after they had finally hammered out the details of their arrangement. She was still sore about not being able to watch Adler crash and burn, but she’d live.

“If I thought I could, I’d have already done so,” Irwin said, to which she just glared, squeezing his fingers too hard as they shook hands.

Irwin wasn’t sad to say goodbye to Berlin. He’d already packed, stowing away all of Armin’s notes in his briefcase. He’d talked to him the night before, but hadn’t told him he was coming home. He wanted it to be a surprise, to see Armin’s look of shock shift into one of joy as he walked through the door. These were lofty dreams, he found, when he arrived at the airport and was told all planes were grounded due to possible inclement weather.

“How long?” he asked, knowing the question was futile. The woman behind the desk had a pasted-on smile as she informed him it shouldn’t take too long. He elected to wait on the plane, regardless. When they were cleared he didn’t want it to take any longer than necessary to get into the air.

An hour later he was beginning to grow irritated. The skies above looked clear enough to him, though he admittedly didn’t know much about weather systems. It was going to be midnight by the time he got back, and that was if the plane didn’t take off soon.

“Mr. Smith,” the pilot finally called back to him, another hour later, “We’ve been clear for take-off, sir.”

“Thank God,” he grumbled. His head had begun to ache, his still frayed nerves set further on edge by the delay. He didn’t want to be in as foul a mood as he was, but at least now they were moving. The only problem was that Armin would be expecting him to call in a few hours, and now he’d be in the air rather than on the ground, driving home. There was no way he could disguise the background rumble of the plane’s engines.

**In a late meeting,** he typed out as the plane taxied down the runway, **Adler wants me to go out again after. Call you tomorrow.**

_Okay :( Don’t go overboard <3_

He didn’t like lying, but imagining how happy Armin would be to see him, without having to make him wait in anticipation of his arrival made it bearable. Though he couldn’t manage to rest at all. His head continued to ache, even after he took some painkillers, and the turbulence they kept encountering shook the plane alarmingly. The flight was ten hours of hell, and when the winds finally calmed down and he drifted off, his sleep wasn’t restful. He dreamt of the same thing he had each night since hearing about Armin’s stalker; his lover being grabbed and dragged away from him, into the dark, someplace that even with all of his power he couldn’t get to.

“Sir,” a gentle hand shook him awake, and he sat bolt upright in his seat. “We’re going to be landing soon.” The flight attendant gave him an exhausted smile, and returned to her seat. At least the landing went smoothly, though when he stood his legs were stiff from having sat so tensely for so long.

When he stepped into the terminal, it felt like the last time he’d been there had been months ago rather than just over a week. It was dark outside, very early in the morning, and he was suffering from a serious case of jet lag. All he wanted was to go home and crawl into bed beside his lover.

He started across the terminal, passing by a row of seats. There was someone asleep at the end of them, curled up under coat they’d been using as a blanket. Probably somebody waiting for a loved one’s flight, waiting underneath a very familiar coat, and a hat peeking out from underneath, a hat bearing the face of a penguin.

“Armin?” he said, stopping in front of the prone form. The jacket stirred, sliding back giving way to groggy blue eyes that looked around in confusion before settling on him.

“Irwin,” he said, smiling sleepily, “How was your flight?”

“What are you doing here?” he asked, feeling a slight sense of disbelief as Armin sat up, getting to his feet and stretching.

“Levi told Petra that you were coming home, and I was telling her how much I missed you, so she felt bad an—mmph!” He didn’t seem surprised when Irwin grabbed his face, tilting it back and smashing their mouths together. Instead, Armin leaned up into him, arms curling around his neck to draw him in close, even though he probably smelled and tasted stale from so many hours on a plane. Irwin pulled back only to clutch Armin closer, crushing the younger man to his chest as he cupped the back of his head, tucking his face against his neck.

“I missed you so much,” he said as Armin squeezed him back. The younger man made a soft noise, a puff of breath ghosting across his throat.

“Good,” he whispered. Irwin leaned back, placing his hands on either side of Armin’s head as he took him in—there were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked peaked and drawn, but he was smiling, eyes shining through whatever weariness he felt. “I missed you, too.”

“You didn’t come here alone, did you?” Irwin asked worriedly.

“No. One of your goons drove me. He’s loitering around outside.” A shadow crossed over his features, and his smile dwindled but didn’t disappear completely. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Irwin felt something wrenching painfully in his chest. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I won’t leave you again. Not until this is over.”

Armin turned his gaze downward, tired eyes hidden by the fringe of his bangs. “You don’t have to make me any crazy promises.”

“I do. And I mean it. I’m not going to let them get away with this. I’d do anything to protect you,” Irwin said as he turned the younger man’s face back up toward his. He bent and kissed his forehead, then hugged him close again. Armin nuzzled his face against Irwin’s chest, and slipped his arms around the older man’s waist.

“I know,” he murmured. They held each other like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of being in each other’s arms again. Armin fit against him so perfectly, his body so warm, his heartbeat a reassuring rhythm against Irwin’s own. He’d missed him even more than he’d thought, so much that he was reluctant even to let him go.

It was Armin who broke away first, stepping back, sliding his hand into Irwin’s as he bent to pick up his coat. “Let’s go home,” he said, pulling Irwin along as he headed toward the door, squeezing his hand as they went.

Irwin found he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Not that night, or for the next several days. Even while wan and weary, he was still beautiful. Achingly so. Beautiful, and for some reason he was in love Irwin, and the older man wasn’t going to let that love and trust be in vain. Whoever was responsible for that troubled look on his face was going to pay dearly.

Armin caught him staring as they were driven back through the city and offered him a weary smile. The body guard was silent in the front seat, acting as though he was oblivious to their presence. Even when the younger man leaned across the seat to kiss him, pulling himself up to briefly press his lips against Irwin’s before relaxing against him, leaning his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Irwin put an arm around him in turn, and nuzzled his nose into his mop of golden hair.

_I’ll never let anyone frighten you or make you feel unsafe again_ , he promised silently. Not if he could help it. He would die first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to get worse. 
> 
> -(๑☆‿ ☆#)ᕗ
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Anxiety is never shittier than when you're trying to tell someone how you feel and they think you're being over-dramatic, or they try to dismiss your feelings altogether. Then they wonder why you don't want to tell them anything. I've been trying to ease into the fact that Armin has some issues with anxiety without jumping right out and having him say so. It's only gonna go downhill from here, tbh. 
> 
> Anyhoo, thanks for reading my lovelies :D I have to go to work now D:
> 
> P.S. wtf with the formatting on this website. They did something weird to it.


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